…my best friend and I

We have the most codependent relationship ever. She is one year younger than I am but if my former best friend and I were two peas in the same pod, her and I are the same pea only cut in two. It sometimes feels that we truly exist only for each other and interact with the rest of the world only because we have to. No its not some un-confessed lesbian relationship, its simply true love I think, but of a different kind as corny as that sounds. Don’t misunderstand, there are so many other people we care about and love, but we are the only ones who we can be 100% ourselves with and never be judged for it. You have no idea how comforting it is to have that.

She is an amazing person and honestly we are unlikely friends, she’s this supposedly sheltered individual and I’m well…you know me if you’ve read my previous post …three landmarks of my childhood I ran through forests and stole fruits off farmers trees. The first time we met was at university and she was afraid of me. I still cant recall how we became best friends, we just did and its been 8 years ever since, and mind you we have never fought once. We always put the other first even when we disagree with their actions and simply accept the other without judgement, flaws and all. Even if we knew what the other was doing on a personal level was the stupidest thing in the world (this almost always involved men) we would be ready to catch the other when the moment came. If it could affect their careers then we step in, this works for us.

Today I was reminded how co-dependent we are yet again. She messaged me devastated because the night before she had a dream that I was not on her side for something very important. The role we play in each others lives is so large that even in our dreams or friendship stands. I of course assured her that I was always on her side and then we went on to talk about the fact that she did not clean her room today like she said she would.

The first time it happened was a couple months ago when we were getting high at my apartment. We started to talk about what would happen when one of us got into a relationship again (even now when I think about this I get really anxious). In the conversation we both realized that if one of us starts dating and the other doesn’t there would be times when we couldn’t meet up, even when one of us needed it. That one person would be in a small way left behind, because now whom ever was in the relationship would have to share themselves. It would be inevitable that we would miss important moments of that persons life at times. The realization made us both panic, what was worse was that we couldn’t figure out which was worse…being the friend who was left behind or the one was did the leaving. What would happen when they realized that it had happened, how would they feel? I still cant figure out which is worse, which do you think? But you see even if we plan for it the truth remains that one day we will both have our families. But if one person moves to that stage before the other…what happens to the other?

This thought scares me so much, because you see….the love of my life (a story i will definitely tell one day) and I are talking about getting back together. How do I tell her? I know she will put me first and support me, but it will also ring in the era of change for us. If you are wondering why I haven’t told her yet, I mentioned it before… we accept each other completely. This is something I need to do alone at first and she will understand that. Neither of us needs a minute to minute play of the others life, we just need to know that the other is always there for them when they need it. Trust me when I say we always need the other, the stuff her and I get into you would not believe.

It is always fun when we hang out, we make all efforts to stay in touch and we both have really demanding high profile jobs so it isn’t very easy. Today she mentioned to me that she was going to a restaurant with her sister soon. Its the same restaurant my brothers girlfriend works at, which I mentioned to her. My brother, his girlfriend and I do not get along so of course being the best friend that she is. Promised me to give her the cold shoulder if she so happens to interact with her there. She also dislikes my former best friend …outgrowing friendships immensely because and I quote her words “I hate her because she is horrid to you”. If it was reversed I would hate that person to, to be honest.

Best friends are great to have, I have already met my soul mate even if we do not end up together but her …. I am forced to believe she is connected to my soul in a different way, but just as important.